arriving: MY death + Grief Work
Daily, I step into my grief and death work by intentionally choosing to welcome the reality of grief and loss. This helps me to live with an open heart.I experience living with an open heart as devotion–a practice of naming the reality of loss and sourcing the courage to befriend it. When this becomes practice, we subvert the violent systems that keep us in denial.
As I grow, I find myself continually engaging this dial of openness–open enough to be present to the pain in the world and then to act, not so open that I become boundary-less and overwhelmed. I think of the below experiences as having shaped by death and grief work:
Death is all around: In hindsight, I see that the call of death work surrounded me from a young age and continued to make its presence known as I aged. At two-years old, my younger sister died. I don’t recall specific memories, only that this experience and the consequences of it have impacted me on a cellular level. Even at that age, I see myself tenderly encompassing my sister in her bassinet, exuding care and love–all the while knowing she wasn’t “normal.” I see the threads of this theme wind throughout my life, most often being witness to the death of children.
Loss happens across the lifespan: Physical death is only one aspect of loss. Between when we are born and when we die (no matter the length of our life), we encounter so many different kinds of loss. I spent decades running from and not knowing how to face and integrate loss. It was as if I was attempting to outrun a volcano until I no longer could and I experienced a moment in my life when a myriad of circumstances culminated to force me into doing something different. I waded into the seas of loss, not knowing some days if and how I could return. Diving into my own healing became the foundation from which I could begin to name and realize the impact of loss across my life–childhood trauma, religious trauma, divorce, infertility, relational poverty, etc. Of course loss is not easy, but my orientation to befriending it allows for a more dynamic emotional palette to be available.
Death and grief work are political: Long a seeker of justice and easily able to see the power structures that have defined our world, I always have felt something missing in most activist spaces. This missing piece is most often the inability to tie-in the grief that is a part of this work. How can we act for change without mourning the reality of what we are asking to be changed? How can we act for change without acknowledging and processing what we are losing in order for that change to be realized? Sure, advocating for climate change or for anti-racist spaces is noble–but what must we sacrifice for the good of the collective in order to realize the changes we long for? Certainly things should change, but the process of change and transition is grief and death work—radical and revolutionary work.
Death and grief work pull it all together: Death and grief work are the center that brings together all of these components–physical death, individual loss, collective justice. Inherent within all of them is transition (from one state to another state), experience of the pain of loss or death, and the possibility of re-birth and re-imagination. How delighted I am to embody this central space.
I have a Master of Public Health, Maternal and Child Health from the University of Minnesota School of Public Health and am a certified full spectrum birth doula and a trained death midwife. My core professional experience lies in systems creation and operations, facilitative processes, space holding, research, and grants management/ grant writing. These have expressed themselves in the domains of spirituality (expansive), public health, maternal and child health, international development, small business, and refugee/asylee resettlement.
Finally, my work is informed by love and my own lived experience and I have been deeply influenced in both my life and training by contemplative, somatic, abolitionist, and liberationist thought and practice.
Values that guide my work
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Befriending complexity
Complexity is inherent. It can serve as the ground from which magic emerges and from which relationships are strengthened. There is relief in naming the reality of complexity–it allows us to move forward.
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Embodiment
To embody is to tangibly step into something, to deepen into experience. Embodied practice relies on the wisdom and knowledge of the body, lifting up the wisdom of our senses and somatic awareness as supportive tools.
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multiple ways of knowing
Formal education and academia is over-valued by dominant culture and inaccessible for many. There are infinite ways of knowing, including our own lived experience. Additionally, animals, nature, and other non-human support are steadfast companions, offering a deep well of wisdom.
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empathy + courage
Empathy is the ability to consider the thoughts, feelings, and experiences of another. It is an active and ongoing practice of understanding another’s point of view and choices. We act with courage when we show up for ourselves and one another in ways that align with our deepest values.
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systems thinker
I think in systems. It is easy for me to see the systems and subsequent power dynamics at play. Systems thinking is useful for understanding just how much of our experiences are connected and how these connections influence the ability to act or not act.
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Collectivism
Prioritizing the collective over the individual–not seeing myself as more or less worthy than another is a solvent for our increasingly isolated and individualized society.
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Reciprocity
In our work together, we are both teachers and learners. We enter a relationship where we each have something to give and to receive.
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imagination + humor
(re) Imagination feels like a lost art in our society. We must practice imagining the type of world we wish to live in and act accordingly. Authentic humor is the antidote for so much that ails us, even in the midst of deep loss.
a word on positionality
The understanding of power and privilege is imperative when we enter into relationship with one another. Positionality can shift within different contexts and is greatly influenced by the social constructs at play. Some of the ways in which I identify are noted in this image.
I am located in Minneapolis, Minnesota, United States which is the ancestral, traditional and unceded land of the Anishinaabe and Dakota peoples.
Deconstructing the influence and perpetuation of oppressive systems within myself and my ancestry is the work of a lifetime. I remain humbly and actively committed to the repair and healing needed.
education, training, influences
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Master of Public Health, Maternal and Child Health (2017)
University of Minnesota, School of Public HealthMaster of Art in Intercultural Studies (2006)
Bachelor of Science in Psychology (2002)
Life (1981-Present)
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Nine Keys Death Midwifery Training Course
Narinder BazenDoula Training
Community Aware BirthworkerCornerstone Certified Full Spectrum Birthworker
Cornerstone Doula TrainingsCornerstone Certified Postpartum Doula
Cornerstone Doula TrainingsHolding Space Consultant Training
The Institute for the Study of Birth, Breath, and DeathBirth, Breath, and Death Teacher Training
The Institute for the Study of Birth, Breath, and DeathHolding Space for Pregnancy Loss
The Institute for the Study of Birth, Breath, and DeathGrief Work Training
The Institute for the Study of Birth, Breath, and DeathIntegrative Somatic Trauma Therapy Certificate Program
The Embody Lab
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I am ever on a learning journey–what I am inspired by and learn from continues to expand and change throughout time (what abundance we have to learn from the collective!).
Some foundational influences that have shaped my learning and practice include trey washington, Prentis Hemphill (The Embodiment Institute), the Transition Network, Octavia Butler, Mariame Kaba, Imani Barbarin, adrienne maree brown, Amy Wright Glenn, Mia Mingus, Bayo Akomolafe, Pia Mellody, Resmaa Menakem, and all the non-human and human beings with whom I share relationship.